Ramblings of an Idiot

A couple of weeks ago, my wife suggested that I start a blog... She cited my interest in writing, my wild imagination, and my warped sense of humor... I think I was also harassing her at the time she was trying to get dressed, so her suggestion was phrased along the lines of, “Why don’t you go find something ELSE to do, like start a blog or something, and leave me alone!” I’m a bit skeptical of her idea, although I must admit that I was also skeptical of her idea to set up a Facebook account, and that has turned into a gold mine of reconnections with old friends and family... The prospect of blogging, though, is rather intimidating for a number of reasons...

First, a couple of my friends--I’ll make up names and call them Gus P. and Scott F. so as to protect their identities--are professional writers, and several others are teachers or professors... No doubt, they are already doubled over in laughter at my Stone Age vocabulary and second-grade grasp of syntax and punctuation...

Second, I am something of a perfectionist, as well as being a bit...um...we’ll call it self-conscious about things that I write... What’s hilarious in my mind at one moment may look just downright stupid to me an hour later, and out comes the eraser... I also cringe at finding typos later that make it look like I don’t no how to right good... And I seem to have a knack for offending people when I don’t intend to... I think I’m writing something so ludicrous that no one could possibly take me seriously, yet someone takes deep offense to it...

Third, I wonder if I lack material to write about that even my friends and family would find interesting to read... I’m not really sure what people blog about... I occasionally read some blogs on Yahoo! Sports that are amusing: a few paragraphs about a current issue, story, or photo... And one of my wife’s friends has a special needs daughter (as well as a really cool son), and she blogs to keep friends and family updated on her daughter’s multiple medical and developmental adventures... That’s interesting stuff... But I don’t know how interesting people would find what I might have to say...

Fourth, I am a master of foul language, and sometimes, when I get really carried away with something I’m passionate about, I’ve been known to drop the f-bomb a time or two or ten thousand... I like the s-bomb, too... And a variety of other bombs, or combinations of bombs... I find that it adds color to what I’m saying...but I understand that some people might find it offensive...

I’ve been pondering these potential hurdles for awhile and, at the same time, reminding myself of how much I dislike it when my oldest daughter begins a sentence with “I can’t...” As with so many other things that I’ve found myself doing in recent months, I’m highly motivated to lead my girls by example... So I came to the following conclusions:

First, I’ll start by writing some Notes on Facebook, where I have a relatively safe audience of friends and family... Maybe once my professional writer, teacher, and professor friends are done laughing, they can provide me with some constructive criticism as I go along... If I’m not booed off the stage anytime soon, I’ve set aside a bit of real estate on a blogging site... But first, baby steps...

Second, I guess this will be an exercise in being a little more forgiving of myself than I normally am... (Maybe I can figure out a way to go back in and correct typos that I find later, too...) And hopefully the people who know me best know that I only harass you if I like you, it’s never meant to be malicious in nature, and self-deprecation is my favorite form of humor... Hey...if we couldn’t laugh, we would all go insane...

Third, I suppose I have some material to work with, now that I give it some thought... After all, I’ve been a probation officer for nearly 13 years, and I was a Court Clerk for three years before that, so there are always stupid criminal stories to tell, as long as I can avoid violating federal confidentiality laws... There may be some people who don’t understand what a PO does, and may be enlightened by some of the war stories... And there may be some PO’s who know exactly what it’s like, and might enjoy commiserating and/or laughing along... I also have a three-year-old daughter and another daughter approaching two years old, and anyone with kids knows that little ones are constant sources of amusement... I occasionally have some opinions about sporting events, teams, and athletes that I’d enjoy sharing and having discussions about... And my adventures in home improvements are often...well...an adventure... That’s just what I came up with off the top of my head... Who knows what else I might come up with over time...

And fourth, I guess if someone is interested in taking a look at what I write, they’re already going to be familiar with my proficiency in the salty language... The beauty of this country is that not only do I have the right to express what I want to express, other people have the right not to read it if they don’t want to...

So I’ll give it a whirl... If it’s a complete disaster, just remember that this was all my wife’s idea...but if it’s a success, I’m the one who had the Golden Ticket idea...